Shane, being all grown up at age five, has started asking regularly "What can I do?". At first I thought it was selfish childish boredom, and he just wanted his next fix of something fun to keep him happy for a few more minutes. Instead, I realize that he asks because he wants a "big-person" job to do. From his viewpoint, I am about to tell him that he can put on his chef's hat and prepare a five-course meal, or go sell a house, or take over an empire thereby gaining disciplinary authority over his two brothers. Something BIG. What he gets instead is "You can clean your room!" or "Did you make your bed?". Although these are things that big people actually do (sometimes) and it brings joy to his parents when he does these required/requested items, it doesn't jive with his expectations and desires. He feels disappointment because it's not something special.
It so easy for me to become the disgruntled five-year old when I look at my spiritual life. The apostle Paul says that "the manifestation of the Spirit is given to each one for the profit of all". He then goes on to rattle off various gifts or manifestations of the Holy Spirit. Reading them, I ask God "What can I do?". (What I actually mean is, "I want to do something BIG. I want the gift of healing, or prophecy, or tongues, or discernment of spirits.)
When God comes back and answers, "You can pray!" or "Did you give your time to someone in need?", I sometimes feel disappointment because it's not something special. It doesn't matter that it brings God joy when I do these required/requested items, and that they are "for the profit of all". Again, like Shane, I don't see my motives as selfish. I just want that tangible visible evidence that I have received the baptism of the Holy Spirit and that God sees fit to use me to help further His kingdom. Paul encourages us to "earnestly desire the best gifts", and to me that means there is nothing wrong with asking for or desiring gifts I don't have. What is wrong is for me to not do the things I can and have been told to, so that God can use me right now in the way He sees fit. Just because I can't identify or define the gifts I have doesn't mean that I have not been given "the best gifts". That is for God to determine. He knows what His plan is for me, and I just need to walk in it faithfully and with contentment.
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God tells us in I Corinthians 13 that gifts are insignificant and pale when compared to one specific characteristic: Love.
The sole purpose of gifts of the Spirit is written in chapter fourteen, verse twelve of the same book: the edifying of the church. That, too, can be summed up in one word: LOVE.
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